The Comment Factory

When I was a kid my dad used to tell me that the devil eats with his left hand. Even though I was born left-handed my dad would stop me whenever I tried to use my natural hand to write or draw, not out of malicious intent but because in his culture it was frowned upon – the left hand was apparently dirty and impure.

As I grew up I came to understand why he had done this, but I was and still am angry that my nature was distorted without my consent (I now write with my right-hand). I value my fathers traditions, but I now think that in a lot of ways the switch in my writing hand has played an integral role in my personality development.

It was with some surprise then that since I have arrived in London and started working with children with so-called “learning disabilities” I have realized that there was something in what my dad said. Not in a religious sense, but there is undoubtedly a correlation between kids who are left-handed and have some kind of learning setback. I was fascinated to learn that three out of the four children I work with are left-handed.

But like I was maligned for left-handed, while living in London I have had a journey into the British education system, and I am coming to terms with the fact that here huge numbers of children who are left behind because of similar abuse. And this realization has come with a feeling of outrage. The children I work with have been called “slow”, “disabled”, “less capable”, or just a “lost cause” that will never excel at anything. Fellow teachers say things like, “There’s something really wrong with that kid, isn’t there?” But having spent two months with these children I have the exact opposite feeling.

Without putting each child’s story out in the public domain, I am confident in thinking that their behaviors and so-called disabilities are on whole a result of hindrance in their early development. Our parents are undoubtedly the strongest indication of how we will turn out. Trust me, like most people my age I have fought the reality of this situation, but it is inescapeable. My father with every good intention genuinely wanted me to write with a hand that the devil did not eat with. And as silly as it may sound I do understand.

I have another contention with the method of teaching here. I think creating a relationship of fear between the teacher and student has worked sometimes, but that ignores the kids that don’t need to be told off, but need and want actual emotional support, like I needed. A lot of children are continuously told they will never be good enough so they finally give up. What would a little bit of support do?

In Britain, they expect children to leave their shit at the door and come to school regardless of all their home problems – getting beat, sexually abused, or completely neglected. I understand that school is meant to be a place of learning, but it is also one of the only places kids have away from home and if children come knowing the support they need can’t be found there, than we lose a huge group of amazing minds that succumb to a lack of stimulus and emotional warmth.

To make this more personal I know that if I was not supported emotionally by my parents throughout my education I would be nowhere. I got an abnormally low score on my SAT’s, had a fairly decent GPA, but the only reason I got into the University of California, Los Angeles was because I was privileged enough to have been dancing since I was six and auditioned to get into one of the best dance programs around. Now, if I had listened to the reasons why someone like me couldn’t and probably shouldn’t get in, I would have been one of the many others that got lost along the way, beaten down by fear and lack of confidence.

So I must tell you the honest truth: this really has nothing and everything to do with being left-handed. Yes, in my small sample of children that have learning disabilities, three out of four are left handed, and in my experience my development was stunted by dogmatism. But what I have learnt in the British education system is more to do with all types of learners, and the absolute necessity of aiding kids in their emotional development of children and human beings in general.

I freely admit that most of my problems and insecurities happened at a very young age because as an abnormally sensitive six year old I took everything to heart. Being placed back in an elementary/primary school setting as a 22-year old adult I realize how much closer I am mentally to these nine year olds than I am to my peers. Unfortunately, these kids are going to travel through their education without me holding their hand.

I have struggled the past few weeks with this realization, because I am not one to give up even when the politics of the situation would seem to suggest that route. But at the end of the day this is a human rights issue, one that is bigger than even me and I am realizing that whether nine years old or 22, we all yearn for a sense of belonging and a feeling of love from those around us. I found a feeling of belonging with these children and I can only selfishly hope they have felt the same way with me. At this point in my life I can’t change a system that was established before I was switched from left to right, but I hope that talking to these children as an equal has given them hope at a future that involves something bigger than feeling alone and different.